Poetry

I never go a day without saying I love you to someone 

Because I can remember a time when I couldn’t utter the words out of fear that my love could only be expressed on my knees or with some man’s wife’s legs wrapped around my neck

I was afraid to say it because I knew it meant that I’d opened myself up to feel and that was the number one rule of the game…Never say I love you. 

I never go a day without saying I love you to someone 

Because there was a time when I felt like everyone I did love left. Whether in life or death I was still in the middle of something so one-sided. So one-sided that I ended up in places with familiar faces, feeding a monster who had lost her soul. 

Too many house keys to count I just started using the back door so when he came in from preaching, too tired to make love, she still had a smile on her face because I did what he had never been done…I made her cum.

I made the mistake of saying it once or twice 

Giving into what I thought was best for me only find myself the second to one and lost in the other. There was a freedom I had that nothing could compare too and with no feeling at all. I marched to the beat of my own drum and felt better even though I was technically numb. 

“Better to have loved than to have not loved at all”, but I say better to have been whole alone than broken by someone who doesn’t know what real love is. 

I always say I love you to someone even if that someone is just me.

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The 40 Year Old New Mom

I’ve imagined myself riding down the expressway with a cardboard cut out taped to my passenger window that reads,” HELP ME!” The only thing that stopped me is the fear that once someone gets a glimpse of the little fellow in the car seat, they would assume that he does not belong to me because of his skin color. Lol. It happens more with his birth mother than me. My wife is 26 years old and I will be 40 in a few months. We decided in 2018 that we wanted a child especially after her father passed away suddenly. Fast-forward 9 months later we are welcoming our son into this crazy world.

I have a 17 year old son from a previous relationship. Right? I have been out of infant and toddler mode for quite some time. Well, I thought I was ready for a second child, it turns out the kid came here and painted the bullseye on my forehead to catch his reign of terror. Lol. Yes, I still consider myself young but I quickly learned that my knees are about 88 years old given the years of ware and tare due to sports. What do I look like chasing my 18 month old son around, or really in my case running away from my 18 month old son.

He’s got quick feet and hands. Taking a crap is no longer a private matter as he follows me to the bathroom and takes a seat on the floor. I mean, how am I suppose to be free when I have a little baby sitting there staring at me?! If I got in my closet, he’s literally right behind me and when I look down at the bottom rack, he’s shuffling through my pants like he’s helping me figure out what to wear. Let’s not get started on the kitchen. He’s usually right on my heel or somewhere near my computer desk tapping on the keys. If he’s not there then he’s in the cabinets pulling out pots and pans. Now he’s figured out how to open the dishwasher and how to climb in the tub.

This is all the most confusing, yet the most beautiful experience all over again. I feel like it’s only going to get worse, but I have an appointment with my psychologist, psychiatrist, chiropractor, primary care physician and the liquor store. Lol. This is a journey well worth documenting. However, If I’m not back in 2 days, he’s probably got me tied to a chair. Call the people. HELP ME

Rating: 1 out of 5.

My New Bra

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It’s amazing how much things have changed. As a woman we already have so much to deal with. We have a monthly bill that comes no matter what, we have to tote around boobs and some have a lot of butt they have to carry as well. Then there is the emotional and physical strain that comes with a cycle, menopause and everything from self confidence to psychosis. Now here we are with these MASK. Granted everyone should wear one, but I promise I get just as much relief pulling it off as I do my bra after a long day.

Every woman has had a day when her bra was uncomfortable. It keeps shifting, rolling up, sticking you or depending on the bra, your boobs keep falling out the bottom of it. Lol. These mask are almost the same way. The shift your ears, they are itchy, stuffy, hot and every so often I have to pull it up so I can catch my breath. I have never had a more fulfilling moment than when leaving Wal-Mart, as soon as my feet step out of the door I snatch my mask off and breathe the biggest shy of relief. Although it can be frustrating I have come to accept that I now have to wear two bras. One for my knockers and one for my face.

Cooking Through a Crisis

ChickenThis world has gone to shit, but we will have to eat. Tensions are high, there’s protesting, killing, fighting and people are dying from the an enemy we cannot see. The economy is a mess and I’m sure most people like myself are trying to stay home and as far away from the chaos as they possibly can. Since the “shit hit the fan” I have rekindled my love for cooking and journaling. I mean, somebody has to tell the story because my grandchildren will not believe it. With all the hustle and bustle, the mask and swinging at the air, we gotta eat. Now more than ever our families are spending more time together which mean we are eating more. I found some old recipes my grandmother wrote down and decided this would be a great time to share them. They are quick and filling, but most importantly, they LAST.

Maybe you don’t have time to slave over the stove, but these easy to do meals can be prepared pretty fast, pop them in the oven and go. I’ll also share some quick stove top recipes as we continue our blog.

So, Let’s Talk.

Cheesy Chicken, Broccoli & Rice Casserole

What you’ll need:

Unsalted Butter

Chicken Breasts ( You can use rotisserie chicken if you want to cut down time)

Italian Seasoning

Salt & Pepper

Chicken Broth

Long Grain White Rice

Broccoli: 2 Cups ( if frozen, thaw and pat it dry)

Milk

Condensed Cream of Chicken & Cream of Broccoli Soup

Cheddar Cheese

Sour Cream

Time to Assemble (Lol)

Season the chicken with your Italian seasoning and sear it in butter. Remove the chicken from the pot. Next, cook the rice with the chicken broth for 15 minutes.

Halfway through cooking the rice, add the broccoli. Once you’ve cooked the rice and added the broccoli, mix in the rest of the ingredients, but only half of the cheese. Pour your mixture into a 9×13 casserole dish, cover and bake at 350 degrees for 20 minutes.

Remove cover, add remaining cheese and bake until melted.

BOOM…What time is dinner?

The hot girl summer has officially been canceled. We are going to eat out way out of this pandemic. Lol. No! Remember to stay healthy, practice social distancing, wash your hands and WEAR YOUR MASK!

Until we eat again,

Z

The Sound of Thunder (Purple Skies)

You would think that being 39 years old and having experienced some great tragedy in my life would’ve toughened me up by now. Hell no! I am still deathly afraid of thunder. I can remember as a child, a teenager and even as a adult; I would crawl into my grandmothers bed whenever there was talk of the any type of bad weather. I moved away after graduating from high school, but I wasn’t that far away that I couldn’t drive back home to what I considered a “safe place”. You would think the lightening would scare me. It did, but the sound of thunder always made me feel like God was raising His voice.

Our little town had always experienced the worst of the worst when there was heavy rain, thunderstorms and tornados. It would flood, knock down power lines and some people lost everything including their lives. No matter how bad it got, it seemed to always happen around us. We could literally stand outside and see a funnel cloud across the railroad tracks and it would never make its way to our house. There were some winds, at times, that made me feel like the house would probably be on the other side of town the next morning but it never happened that way. I told people my granny had a special relationship with God and so did my mom, but granny had it longer than my mom. I trusted that whatever pact they had was solid. Lol.

After my grandmother passed away that safety zone was my mom. When my mom got sick I had to put on my big girl draws (I’m still scared) and pretend the storm doesn’t bother me. I remember while my mom was in the hospital for several months, when it stormed I didn’t want leave. I figured that she was in that coma talking to my brothers and my grandmother coming up with a game plan to keep me safe. That’s exactly what they did. So now when there’s talk of a storm I call my mom, she tells me I will be okay and I believe her.

Everyone Can’t Be Famous

As a child I always knew I wanted to be someone special. I wanted to be famous, or someone people could count on the change the world. I knew I would use words to do that. I loved writing stories, bringing my imagination to life.
One summer while traveling, my moms and I stopped at a gas station in Kentucky. I walked through the store inadvertently leaving my fingerprint on almost every item in plain sight. We stood at the counter and I glanced to my right noticing a shelf with hundreds of tiny glasses on it. I picked up the first one I could reach and it read,”Alcohol, because no great story started with someone eating a salad!”
I knew at that moment words and liquor would play a big part in my success. You could say I did my best in working towards my dream of being famous. I mean, I was arrested a few times for public intoxication.
Cameron Diaz bumped into me at a coffee shop. She apologized. I flipped her off and called her a weirdo! I even threw a packaged brownie at her calling her,”FOREHEAD” as she walked away! It was a big moment for me.
Of course there was the thing with of chasing Kathy Bates up Hollywood Hill chanting,”MI-SE-RY, MI-SE-RY” from a $20 tour bus. I presumed I was on the right track.
I want to be famous but so far the only notoriety I have is a picture hanging on the wall of a bar I’ve been banned from and a lengthy record of drunken arrest. My father, who claims to have been converted but still smokes crack, invited me to church. I went and because I shouted ,”BOOOOOO” when the pastor said sex before marriage is a sin, they suggested I find another place to worship. I did. The Liquor Store across the street has plenty of spirits to choose from.
The other day I felt like I hit rock bottom when I got into an argument with my neighbor Ms. Janice. Every Thursday we hang out on her balcony, have a few beers and talk about shit she steals from her grandson’s house when she goes to visit. This time she found his stash and I thought we were about to roll-up and kick back , but Janice wanted to share with her backgammon friends and I was not having it.
“Give it up you old dirt bag! I want my cut or I’m calling Ben!’ I couldn’t believe Ms. Janice screamed at me, Ah, Screw you snitch! Where I’m from Rats don’t live long ,so watch it Bitch!’ She snatched the papers out of my hand and walked away. I wanted to tackle her but I’m trying to be a better person and the last bit of publicity I need is to make headlines for body slamming the elderly. The old me would’ve taken her down!
I decided it would be best if I went home and try to reset my life so that I might find my path to becoming positively famous. The next day I was arrested for assault! Ms. Janice came to my door with the shit. I told her to leave me alone! I’m Famous Now!!!

No Trespassing 

After a night of tequila shots, multiple bottles of wine and some pot. Jake, Tamara, Collin and Grace go out for a drive knocking on random doors. They get to an area that’s a dead end,but there’s a hill they are curious to go over. Looking for more people to terrorize with their childish play, they drive up the hill searching for the next victim. As they top the hill there’s a “No Trespassing” sign in front of a gate. Ignoring the warning they continue on. Once they get to the top of the hill there’s a big Victorian style home that looks to be vacant. There’s an old broken down truck in the yards and seemingly no signs of life on the property. Tamara reluctantly agrees to go forward with the prank feeling that something is wrong. Jake pulls her jacket and convinced her to get out of the car. As they approach the steps of the house, from the corner of his eye Collin sees an image walk past the old truck. Terrified, he screams and they all turn to run towards their car. To their surprise, the car is moving in reverse then suddenly turns and drives towards the back of the house. Realizing they ‘re stranded, they are now trying to figure out how to leave the property. As the scramble towards the gate, they find it closed, locked and covered in wires. Grace knows they only have one choice and that’s to find the car but what they don’t know is the sadistic game they’ll have to play to get it.

All Roads Lead Somewhere 

Chad, Charlie and Caleb Denton, born December 29,1980 to Charles and Diane Denton. The triplets were the talk of this small city just outside of Nashville, Tn. Everyone that saw them always complimented their appearance, their manners as they grew older and their handsome features they inherited from their father,Charles. The Denton Brothers were definitely set up for success and the expectations for them to succeed were set very high.

As they got into high school Caleb was a sports fanatic. He participated and excelled in every sport as well as academics. Charlie’s focus was on culinary arts,  science and math. He could always be found creating something in the kitchen, breaking down an equation or experimenting with almost anything related to one or all of the above. Chad was more laid back. Although he excelled academically, he didn’t show much interest in anything else.

Charles was hard on all the boys ,but especially Chad. He always said Chad reminded him of his brother Frank. Frank was a mathematician who was accepted to Yale. After one semester he started drinking and the alcohol became his entire life. He barely graduated. Frank got a good job working as a financial consultant and things were going very well until his drinking got the best of him. Eventually he was fired, lost his home and family and now he’s living with some woman he met in a trailer park. Charles’s fears were legit,but the pressure he put on his sons was seemingly coming from more than a place of fear.

As the years went by and the boys got older they each had pretty much developed into the type of men they were going to be. Caleb received a full academic and football scholarship USC  moving him quite a ways from his parents and brothers.  Charlie was awarded a scholarship to MIT,but turned it down to attend Auguste Escoffier School of Culinary Art in Austin,Texas. His parents weren’t thrilled, but they weren’t going to change his mind. Chad contemplated college and found that he wasn’t really interested in furthering his education. Furious frank told Chad he had to go to work or college or get out. Chad chose the latter packing his belongings and leaving within that same week.

10 years pass

Charlie can be found shouting orders from the kitchen of the diner he works in. He is preparing some of the best cuisine locals and tourists have ever had. In the next building there’s a group of young engineers gathered waiting for Charlie’s shift to end so that he can tutor them which is his second job. Charlie is doing what he loves and doesn’t worry about much because he gets to do what he loves everyday.

Caleb was drafted to the NFL by the New England Ranglers,but was hurt during off season practice which left him unable to continue after 4 seasons with the team. He is still very active as the defensive coach at a University in his home town. Since his decision to coach he has made major improvements in the program making him on of the most sought after defensive coaches in the country.

Nobody has heard from Chad since he left. Every year around the holiday they all would come home to visit with their aging parents. Every year there was a empty chair that Charles couldn’t help but stare at. Everyone knew he blamed himself,but it was never said aloud. This year they decided to take a family trip to see Charlie and allow him to show them what Austin Texas is all about. Upon arrival they were whisked away to one of the most beautiful hotels they had ever seen. The Marx D Hotel. Everything from the ceilings, to the marble floors, even the toilet dispensers were perfect.

As they were being checked in Charles looked at Charlie and asked,”Son, this seems expensive. Who’s paying for this?” Charlie replied,”I just got a letter saying I won a 3 night stay here so I figured I would bring you guys here.” The front desk clerk handed over the keys (which looked to be solid gold) and directed the concierge to escort them to their rooms. On the elevator they noticed the attendant pressed PH and everyone just kind of looked at one another. Caleb,his wife and twin boys (Nathan and Noah) were first off the elevators and as they turned their mouthes dropped. Everyone then rushed off the elevator to see what was going on. There were attendants there with the doors open and the most beautiful view of the city straight ahead.

Everyone stood in amazement of the penthouse and the view, but the children find its just a very large room for play.As the family starts to get settled there is a knock at the door. Standing there with two racks of clothing is the manager from the boutique  downstairs. “Ma’am/ Sir , please select from these racks whatever you desire. It is on the house. Everyone should be ready to  present themselves at 7:00 p.m. sharp as someone will be awaiting to escort you to dinner on the roof.” Sitting on the side of the bed putting on her jewelry Diane has a sudden flash and grabs her chest.

Tears begin to fall down her cheek, concerned Charles runs to her side,” Baby whats wrong? Are you feeling sick?” Slowly looking up and when their eyes met,” Yes Charles, I am feeling sick. I am feeling sick because I miss my son. I miss Chad. He should be here with his family, but you ran him away.” Standing to his feet and grabbing the glass of wine from the table ,” No Diane, I gave him a choice. He made a decision and just as I thought he’s probably somewhere screwing around making absolutely nothing of his life.”

Knock Knock, Caleb answers the door. Concierge sir, I am here to escort you and your family to dinner. As everyone is scrambling to finish getting dressed and chase down the twins when they gathered at the door Caleb and Charlie could see that their mother had been crying. Afraid to embarrass their mother they waited until they could get her alone to talk to her. When the elevator stopped the family was taken up a flight of stairs and at the top was the most beautiful layout they had ever seen. Almost too good to be true.

There were even two chair for Nathan and Noah with harness attached to keep them from getting hurt or just running away. As everyone took their seats the concierge stepped forward to announce the arrival of the host for the evening. “Ladies and gentlemen, tonight it is my pleasure to announce your host for the evening Mrs. Leah Danielle.” This tall blonde beautiful woman approached the table greeting everyone with hugs and kisses. Hello Denton family! Its is truly a pleasure to meet you all.

We have the most exquisite goodies for you all tonight including a special gift the owner of our prestigious hotel, The Marx D.  So please eat up as you have a wait staff at your service to handle anything you you may need. Again, Enjoy and I will be back with you shortly.” Caleb, looking up from his plate smiling,” Oh shit! This is really nice Charlie. You hit the jackpot bro!” You’re telling me, says Charles. This is very nice. Nothing like I thought it would be.”

 About an hour and half passed and the family was just now getting to the end of their meal when Leah showed up again. “Hey guys! Everyone enjoying themselves? I hope so! I just came back up one last time to present you ll with a gift from our owner. This man is an incredible entrepreneur. He built this hotel as well as a chain of others across the world including Dubai, Korea, Hawaii and the Bahamas. If everyone could please reach under the table there is a envelope for each of you.” Everyones faces are puzzled as they reach underneath the table as instructed. I’m going to step back inside to retrieve your gift while you each read what’s inside of your envelope.”

Caleb was the first to get his open and it was a card with the picture of an eye on it. Looking confused he rushed his parents and brother to open their cards. Diane had the number 2. Charles has a card with a picture of a arrow and Charlie the letters UR on his card. The family scrambled to understand the message. While they were trying to put the puzzle together for what seemed like 20 minutes they hear from a distance,” The cards say,” Look to you right!” When they looked to the right there was Chad standing there in board shorts, flip flops and a man bun. It says,” Look to your right , guys!” Diane was the first to drop everything and run to her son. Chad, OMG Chad is that you honey?! (Looking him up an down) You haven’t changed a bit!

 Charlie and Caleb embrace their brother, but then punch him fussing about how much he has missed. Guys I didn’t miss that much! I was in attendance at several of your games Charlie. Both NFL and as a coach. Caleb I was there when you graduated from the culinary academy. I have been by your restaurant a few times, but couldn’t come in. I do send my secretary to get my soy latte, vegan cookies and vegan lasagna which I know you don’t have on the menu, but Insist that she ask every visit , but only leaves with pecan chocolate chip cookies and black coffee.” Shacking his head,Thats you?’ God that woman has annoyed me for almost everyday for 6 years. Now as soon as she walks in I shout.”NO!” Lol.

Everyone was seemingly excited , but Charles took his time going to speak to Chad. Slowly walking toward the family Charles stops as Chad has made his way over to him. “Son, Its good to see you. I thought I would never see you again!”” Dad, I didn’t think you’d care if you did or not! Look, Im not here to hold anything against you. You did what you felt you needed to do. Your interest and mine were not the same. Your methods and my methods were not the same, but we all ended up doing everything we said we would do.”  Hugging his son,” I love you son! I don’t care what you are or what you’ve done, Im proud to be your dad!

Now, I want to meet the owner of this establishment to thank him for allowing us to stay in such a beautiful place. Ive never seen anything like it!” Chad smiling,’You really like it dad?” “Oh yea son! This is amazing!” Chad beckons for Leah and puts his arm around her waist. Charlie and everyone else’s mouthes drop. “Mom, Dad, everyone! I want you to meet my wife, Mrs. Leah Danielle Marx-Denton and we are the owners of this hotel. Leah interrupts Chad,” No…HE IS THE OWNER I was telling you about! Chad built this empire before he met me, but I am glad we are building the rest of our lives together.” Wait, What? Chad this is you ,bro? So you mean to tell me I could’ve stayed in a hotel like this anywhere? You’re still an asshole. (Diane looks up to the sky)Lord, Its good to have my family back together. Thank you.

 

 

Jumping Ship

Being a woman who has traveled numerous places and had the opportunity to explore lots of things and people, those explorations gave me much insight on the human species. We know or at least we should know that everyday we will come in contact with different people with different personalities and attitudes. From some of those encounters we may cultivate friendships that grow into relationships.

If we are lucky enough we all will experience the ultimate love tattoo that makes us change almost everything about ourselves in the first 3 months to keep this love. No, it’s not lying. It’s called rearranging until company leaves. You know how some of you are. Your house is filthy, but most people will throw things around to give the impression of a clean house to make their visitors more comfortable. Then there are “the keepers” who could careless of what you think. They let you know up front how messy their lives really are.

Judging from the two you’d want the latter although requires more work. Either way once your decision is made you then put into place what you expect and you both grow from there. Maybe a few years down the line you’ve started to resent each other because you either find out some terrible truths that should have been disclosed in the beginning or you feel like you can no longer deal with your “messy mate.” Don’t get me wrong.  When it’s good, it’s good. When it’s bad, it’s real bad.

It’s easy to walk away from anything that you feel is not worth fighting for l,but if you scored that out of the park, swim across the ocean kind of love is it that easy to walk away from? Relationships are not hard. It’s the people in the relationship who are not willing to work that make it hard. Love is easy, but it does play hard to get sometimes. If you find it and it’s out of the park, keep it even if you have to jump one of the ships.

Life Sold Separately

It’s amazing how life can be so unpredictable and yet so foretelling. Although our experiences range from the worst of times to the best of times every lesson births new life within us. In my personal life, I have experienced death and witnessed life being brought back into the world. The funny thing about death is that it actually gives you the opportunity to correct your mistakes and the opportunity to seize every moment.

I’ve found myself doing some of the most strange things in appreciation of life. Here’s a few that I find myself extremely tickled by. A few weeks ago I was walking to the car and I saw some trash on the ground. Now my knees are extremely ratchet and I know they’re always offended when I with lout warning squat to do anything. This particular day I was thinking about my brothers and how much I missed them. I then thought ,” There are people who can’t use these parts of their body and I have life and I’m not completely broke down. Let me pick up this paper to better myself and mankind.”

I was excited to help,but on my way back up that right knee decided she wasn’t going to budge. So here I am trying to show life how much I appreciate her and she let’s me sink. Bish. Even though this experience was temporarily high jacked I found it to be pleasant in the attempt to better myself on life’s journey. I will say this, the next time I see paper on the ground I will just see paper on the ground.
Thanks for reading.
#1GoodDeedDown #10MillionToGo